I'm glad you made it. Now that you are finally here, I can warn you about the terrible threat that faces us all. DUST BUNNIES! There are some that think dust bunnies are harmless, others have a slight inkling of the dangers they face. But only I know THE TRUTH!
Below is a list of some of the things people believe dust bunnies to be.
- Spirit traps
- Visable germs
- Survivors of the Dinosaur age
- Cosmic Particles
THEY ARE WRONG!
- Aliens - Dust bunnies are not aliens. There has never been any recorded evidence of superior technology found with dust bunnies. Additionally, in conversation with my dust bunnies, they appear to understand English, without any problems. Their telepathic powers could be of an alien origin, however, considering their knowledge of our society I am forced to conclude they are terrestrial in nature.
- Spirit traps - There is a person in my dust bunny support group who firmly believes that dust bunnies have the ability to capture human souls. I know this to be incorrect because I have personally conversed with my dust bunnies and they vehemently deny this. Furthermore, I consulted with Chang Lee Huan, my spirit guide, who claims that the only truely reliable spirit traps are Ford Pinto's.
- Visable germs - Dust bunnies can't be germs. If that were true, we'd all be sick, and I am not a sick person! Besides, if they were germs, could you imagine a doctor telling you that you have "Bunnyitis"? I tried to grow several dust bunnies, in the normal culture dishes that I borrowed when I was visiting a friend in Creedmore hospital. None of the bunnies survived and most of the household bunnies were very upset. To exact revenge for these deaths I had to spend the next four weeks listening while they beamed polka music into my brain. I finally managed to protect myself by placing an electrified noodle strainer on my head. They gave up. It wasn't a bad solution but it did take me several months to regrow my hair.
- Survivors of the Dinosaur age - According to conventional science, the last of the dinosaurs died out over 65 million years ago. However, any sane, christian person like myself, knows this to be false. The dinosaur fossils appeared in the ground just over 6500 years ago because god wanted them there. Since there was no dinosaur age, how can dust bunnies be survivors of it? I had this same arguement with a member of my dust bunnie support group for many weeks. Her name is Francis. Because she would not listen, I had my spirit guide curse her boils. While she was in the hospital having a boil lanced, I transplanted all of her dust bunnies from her house to mine and replaced hers with french speaking dust bunnies that I got from a friend in Pinewa, Manitoba, Canda.
- Cosmic Particles - This is patently false. I have measured my dust bunnies many times using my cosmic ray detector and have never noticed any registration on the meter. Although it is interesting to note that while I am measuring my dust bunnies, they do fall silent for a short amount of time (hint to scientists; this could possibly be used as a weapon against them).
SO WHAT ARE THEY?
I know for a fact that dust bunnies are cleverly constructed, intelligent creatures created by the Central Intelligence Agency to monitor radicals, subversives and terrorist activity. Unfortunatly for the CIA these little spies broke out of the lab more than 30 years ago and started to procreate. Now these mini snoopers are infesting the entire world building an information network for the purposes of eventually enslaving mankind and owning the world. They have revealed their presence to myself and a few select others because they are nearly complete with their plans. They firmly believe that no one will listen to our stories.
I know for a fact, because my spirit guide told me, that the dust bunnies, despite repeated attempts, have yet to infiltrate the internet. They are trying however. Yesterday, I started to place a disk into my drive and discovered a nest of them lurking in the shadows.
I am hoping that after reading this you will understand the importance and the dangers that you face in your own homes. TAKE ACTION NOW!
I have written this document and put myself in peril in the process. I have taken to wearing my electrified noodle strainer again to prevent my household dust bunnies from reading my thoughts while I type this, however, I've had to type this with my monitor truned off.
SPREAD THE WORD!!!
If you would like to contact me to discuss the this terrible threat please email me at firstname.lastname@example.org
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