A Net-oholic's Worst Nightmare
WARNING: Please leave if aren't prepared to waste the next few hours exploring these links.
What is this place?

That's a good question.
Basically, I've spent way too much time online and this is my collection of the best distractions out there on the Web. Have fun!


Contact Me!

I am always looking for strange and interesting sites to add to my list, and any reports of changed or dead links are appreciated. Use my email form or email me at herenot@reocities.com.


Some of the sites listed here require these browser plug-ins :
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Site News

6/25/2001
Really, I am.

9/9/2000
Yes I am alive.

3/18/2000
New name. Fixed a lot of dead or changed links.

3/12/2000
50,000 visitors! WOO-HOO!

1/25/2000
Updated and improved the suggestion page.

1/24/2000
Hey guys. I got invited to join some Top 100 site. Help me out by visiting the link below because, right now, I'm stuck between two Backstreet Boys fan sites!

12/1/1999
Now Y2K compliant! :)

11/8/1999
Thanks for all the great emails and suggestions.
For everyone who's asked - as long as I'm keeping this page on Geocities (for free), I'm not interested in spoiling the place with any ad banners.


Except for the nasty Javascript code added by Geocities, I try to keep this page as accessible as possible by following these web page standards:

[Valid HTML 4.0!]
Valid HTML!

[Best viewed with any browser.]
Campaign for a Non-Browser Specific WWW

[Bobby approved.]
This page is Bobby approved.

Many of the pages I link to do not follow these standards.

If you are using a graphical browser, my links will open a new window.


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TODAY'S PICK

Japanese Engrish
Visit this the website and enjoy many fun happiness!

RECENT ADDITIONS

Bonsai Kittens
Trust me, its only funny after you know it really is just a joke.
Star Trek: Voyager - Spin the Bottle
The show may be over, but the party never stops.
Snow-craft
A litte like Warcraft, but those neighbor kids are a lot harder to beat.
The Mood Ring Page
Hey man... this page is pretty groovy, but it bummed me out when it turned black.
The Internet's First Online Pregnancy Test!
First... and last. I'd rather go with the rabbit method. At least if things aren't what you wanted, you can still make stew.
The Museum of Questionable Medical Devices (online collection)
Makes you wonder what medical "marvels" we use today will be considered quakery in the future.
Perpetual Bubblewrap
It just keeps popping and popping and popping and popping ...
Let's Play X-Files Barbs!
Like X-Files? Still play with Barbie dolls? Well, these guys do too.
The Center for Shopping Cart Abuse Prevention
We see them at the shopping malls, but we usually just walk past them - never knowing how much pain they are in.
Ask-a-Chick
Post a question, and a real live woman will answer. The closest some of us web-oholics ever get.
The End of the Internet
Maybe you don't wanna click this link.
The Internet Squeegee Guy
You can't avoid him for long.
The Page That Turns You into a Cabbage
Just beware when rabbits start looking at you funny.
The Word of the Instant
This place may just put those word-of-the-day calendars out of business.
The Armory's Purity Test Index
Is there a purity test designed to tell if you've taken too many purity tests?
Project: Denny's
Can one man visit EVERY Denny's? If only we could all live the dream ...
Automatic Complaint-Letter Generator
Do you really want to get something off your chest, but can't find the words?
Grand Illusions
Yes, your mind really is playing tricks on you.
The Captain James T. Kirk Sing-Along Site
Its a good thing that he kept his day job.
Mirsky's Drunk Browsing Test
"Pardon me sir. I noticed you meandering all over the net. Would you mind stepping out from behind the monitor?"
The Great Toilet Paper Debate
Should you hang your roll with the paper coming off the front or the back? Anal retentiveness at its finest, appropriately.
F. Permadi's Java Applets
I'm only pointing you towards this nice collection of Java toys and arcade games because I know you are all responsible people and won't play them at work... right?
Cyclops Boy
Experience the nightmare world of Cyclops Boy, One-eyed detective.
Duct Tape on the Web
This web homage to the most useful adhesive known to man gives you the history of duct tape (invented by Socrates or 3M?--you decide), wacky uses for it (canoe and pyramid repair), and so much more.
Pee Wee's Playhouse Postcard Page
The show may be long gone, but the legend lives on!
The "99 Bottles of Beer" Sing-A-Long Page
Uncensored lyrics to the song that started the Punk Revolution. Includes the controversial line, "69 bottles..."
Random Magic: The Gathering Card Name Generator
This is a little different than my usual items. It makes up card names based on M:TG. Literally HOURS of entertainment. (This is not my creation, so don't blame me.)
Mouse Art
"Haunting biomorphic forms," or a warning that it's time to call the exterminator? You be the judge.
The Buck Starts Here Rodeo Game
Yee haw!
Pasquale's Interactive Garlic Breath
A Rose is Rose by any other name would smell as sweet???
Frost-O-Matic
As close as some of us will get to making a snowman this year.
Webigachi, the Lovable Internet Pet
I can't help it. I just can't get enough of watching Tamagotchi knock-offs die violent deaths.
Elves in Black
Look directly into the Christmas light...
Merchandizing Wars
As if throwing more money at George Lucas is ever going to stop him.
Spot the Fascist Dictator!
Since when is Bill Gates not a fascist dictator???
Dissect a Biologist
Take revenge for the millions of helpless frogs slaughtered through the centuries.
Disco Vlad's Dancing City
More bad cover tunes than you can shake a booty at.
Yeti Snowball Fight
Tis the season... for Yetis!
Poot Poot
Pootify your favorite website.
The Beavis and Butt-Head Extravaganza
Where's Cornholio???
How to Keep an Idiot Busy
Or at least an idiot with really slow reflexes.
Trendy Magic
They're amazing! They're astounding! And, like all good magic tricks should only be tried once. At most.
Godzilla Vs. Tamagotchi
Guess who wins.
Random Shakespearean Insults
You'll win every arguement with a few of these - Thou quailing idle-headed boar-pig!
Innocent Inanimate Objects
Mindless violence strikes again. The victim this time-- groceries. Somebody should do something to stop this before it gets out of hand.
Liquid Nitrogen Ice Cream
Want fresh homemade ice cream but don't want to shell out for one of those expensive, time consuming ice cream makers? Now there's an easier way...
Mobspeak Glossary
Considering a career in the high-paying field of organized crime? Don't make your move until you know the lingo, capische?
Swedish Cursing
Så sjutton att jag tänker betala p-böterna! = Blast it, I will not pay the parking fine!
Naked Mole Rat Cam
Described by a Harvard biology professor as looking like "penises with teeth," naked mole rats are among the ugliest creatures on the Web.
Clonaid
The world's first human cloning company. For US$200,000, they will turn you into a sheep named Dolly.
UFO Abduction Insurance
For the low, low price of US$ 19.95, you can receive a US$ 1 million lifetime insurance policy against alien abduction. You can't be too careful these days...
Hicksville 200
An extremely realistic simulation of a NASCAR race, crashes and all. (Well, actually, it's mostly crashes.)
Stick Figure Death Theater
Satisfy your violent urges by watching hapless stick figures slaughtered in a variety of ways.
PC Primer
Everything you need to know to keep from sounding like a fascist troglodyte.
Christians for the Cloning of Jesus
Maybe this is taking the holiday spirit just a wee bit too far...
X-Files Adventure
Now you, too, can kick alien butt.
Text to Semaphore Translator
Very useful if you're stranded on a desert island with nothing but your laptop and some flags.
Cat Band
Rock out with some very cool cats.
Chairman Mao
Your Great Leader Chairman Mao wrote in his Little Red Book: "People must Click and Drag me with Mouse!"
Atari 2600 Emulator
Sure, Myst and Doom are cool and all, but sometimes we yearn for the simpler days of the Atari 2600.
Tube the Salt River
Avoid the sharks in this silly Java game.
Shotgun Weddin'
The city slicker your daughter wants to marry is tryin' to sneak out of the chapel. You job: convince him to stay through the ceremony, using whatever means necessary.
Do-It-Yourself Hair Transplant
Congratulations! it's your first day as a hair transplant surgeon. Help your client restore his luxurious locks.
Andy Love
Has the impending onslaught of Valentine's Day hype made you feel lonely and depressed? Try a dose of Andy Love to cheer you up and sap you out.
Magic Cyber-Camera
Sit up straight, look into the camera, and say "BANANA!"
The First Virtual Mousepad Museum
... and probably, the only one.
Newgrounds - Club a Seal
Go ahead, you know you want to.
Newgrounds - Assassin
The game where you kill celebrities. Nuke Pikachu a few times for me.
Newgrounds - Telebubby Fun Land
Well, its not so fun for them.
Newgrounds - Beep Me, Jesus
A magic beeper with the power to communicate with Jesus. How great is that!
Dihydrogen Monoxide Research Division
The DMRD is the source for current facts about Dihydrogen Monoxide, from research results to contamination alerts to its potentially dangerous uses. If you don't know what Dihydrogen Monoxide is, I'm not telling you.
The Mr T Quote of the Week
Sit down you suckas, and listen up!
Coloring.Com
All the fun you remember, and you'll always stay within the lines. This is a great page to tell the kids about.
Polly Esther's Game Page
America's hottest 1970's disco club chain brings you this Missile Command rip-off. Follow the author link for even more re-hashed arcade favorites.
Stan's Insult Generator
I didn't find this by surfing South Park sites. Really.
Wacky Patent of the Month
Dedicated to the spirit of human ingenuity. Or whatever.
The Tongue Twister Database
Say this three times fast and call me in the morning.
Marshmallow PeepsShow
They're NOT just for Easter, anymore.
Strawberry Pop-Tart Blow Torches
Even pyro-maniacs take time out for a pastry treat, but maybe these guys should try them un-toasted.
The WWW Roshambot
Stay ahead of your "Rock, Papers, Scissors" game by honing your skills at this site. Practice is important!
Your Guide to Romance
To help you prepare for Valentine's Day, the people who brought you "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter!" present this love-filled site. Includes advice from the Love Guru, Fabio (the king of romance), and, of course, many low-fat Valentine's recipes.
Annoying J. Crew Model of the Week
They're thin. They're preppy. They try to make neon orange a fall color. They're the annoying models of the J. Crew catalog.
The Arch Deluxe Hate Page
Another great page from the Absurd Gallery. And just what is "Chef" sauce anyway?
Bert is Evil
A stunning expose revealing the hidden dark side of the Sesame Street character Bert.
Pretty Good Bowling
Steeeerike!
Virtual Design Group's Voodoo Doll
Poke, poke.
World's Largest Ball of Twine
What's a good superhighway without a few tourist traps? The World's Largest Ball of Twine has entertained interstate travelers for years, and now it's just a click away.
PhoNETic
Does your shrinking attention span keep you from remembering strings of seven numbers? PhoNETic translates phone numbers into text to aid in your memory process.
The Slightly Less Than Official Spork Homepage
They're not spoons, they're not forks. The fancy-shmancy folk call them runcibles. When it comes to hi-tek silverware, you can't beat sporks.
The Amazing Psychic Chef Says...
What does the future hold for you? What is your lucky meat? The Psychic Chef knows all...
The Cookie Garden
When you care enough to bake the very best ...
Planet Wallywood Bad Pick-up Line Server
Let's face it, in our culture of rapidly plummeting taste standards, "What's your sign?" just doesn't cut the bad taste mustard anymore. Planet Wallywood can help you turn your gaping hole of a social life into a sprawling pit of despair.
The Finger Game
Guess how many fingers Spike is holding up by clicking on a number. If you can win at this game, you're a better person than me.
Love Calculator
Are you and your sweetie destined for love everlasting or hell on earth? Compute tour chances with the Love Calculator.
Bingozone
Live worldwide internet bingo! Oh joy! Will wonders never cease?
Joho's CoolTxt Stereogram Builder
Everyone loves stereogram images. You know, those "cross your eyes and stare at it until your brain pops to see the 3D picture" images. Well, now you can build your own. Just remember what Mom told you: be careful, or your eyes might stick that way.
The Official Spinal Tap Homepage
This website goes to eleven...
Online Citizen's Self-Arrest Form
We live in troubled times. As crime spirals out of control, police resources are being stretched to the limit. You can help. If you witness yourself committing a crime, fill out this simple form and mail it to your local police office. Warning: do not attempt to fake a self-arrest report from your boss.
Skumqueen's Library
Twisted tales from a sick mind. Includes the classics, "Pooh Bear Goes Apeshit," and "Rush Limbaugh's A Weenie."
The Miraculous Winking Jesus
The power of Our Lord truly knows no bounds.
oo
The oo are back...
The Great Awesome Ultimate Goat Click Page!
With a name this cool, why bother with content?
Yoda Conspiracies
Is Yoda really just a wise old Jedi Master? Did he really just die of old age? Startling new evidence points to a dark conspiracy...
All Hail the Magical Plastic Grocery Bag
Reasons why plastic grocery bags are better than God. As if we weren't already convinced.
Flipper's Funky Fortune Cookies
You will find a penny today. It is an evil penny that has fallen out of the lord of darkness' pocket. It will call you bad names and make you it's slave. You might want to pass it up.
Virtual Rubik's Cube
Just as frustrating as the original.
The Stupid Page
Your one-stop shopping place for stupid people, places, and things. Submit your own!
Squirrel Hazing
It's not just for fratboys and military cadets anymore. A throught-provoking expose of the dark side of squirrel social relations.
The Illustrated Guide to Breaking Your Computer
As with all things, there is a right way and a wrong way to commit mindless mayhem upon your computer. Follow this simple step-by-step guide to get the maximum satisfaction from destruction.
An Interactive History of the Oscar-Mayer Wienermobile
A touching profile of the largest hot dog to ever take to the highways.
April Fools on the Net
A collection of the strangest hoaxes ever to find their way onto the Internet on April first.
jodi.org
I don't understand this site at all.
Poke Alex In The Eye
Just as much fun as it sounds. (Does not require Java and Shockwave, but both are recommended.)
Java Eliza
Everyone's favorite annoying psychoanalysis AI is back. How does that make you feel? Why do you think so? How interesting.
Americans for Cloning Elvis
The King can live again, but only if you help.
Disney Urban Legends
For the last time, Walt is NOT in cryogenic storage!
Meatmation
The ultimate in multimedia, or should I say multiMEATia--animated ground beef!
Find the Sheep
Baaaaa.
bsy's List of Internet Accessible Coke Machines
Thirsty? There's a Coke machine near you just waiting to quench your thirst. But first, check to see if there's any left.
Stare Down Sally
You stare at your monitor for hours-- now your monitor stares back!
The Internet Pizza Server
Get a custom-made virtual pizza delivered right to your browser. Toppings options include pepperoni, eyeballs, green m'n'm's, and footballs.
Moist Towelette Collecting
Lemony Fresh!
Into the Purple Abyss
If Barney the Dinosaur is your children's best friend, what would happen if he told them to kill you? A chilling vision of an alternate universe not too different from our own.
The Jackalope Conspiracy
Perhaps the most endangered animal in America, the jackalope is a cross between a now extinct pygmy-deer and a species of killer-rabbit. Proof of their existence is a closely guarded government secret, but at long last, the grizzly truth has been exposed.
Strike It Big!
This Coca-Cola sponsored bowling game is good for a few frames.
Bunny Survival Tests
Intrepid researchers examine the resistivity of marshmallow bunnies to lasers, heat, radiation, electrocution, and more. Science marches on!
Change Your Astrological Sign
Do you feel like a Libra trapped in the body of a Taurus? The Institute of Celestial Sciences can help. Using thoroughly tested, safety-guaranteed methods, the ICS can change your sign in seconds ! (Faster, if you have a T1)
The Oracle of Bacon at Virginia
Play the party game that America is talking about! The object of the game is to start with any motion picture actor or actress and connect them to Kevin Bacon in the smallest number of links possible.
BreathAsure's Bad Breath Test
Worried that your breath might not be minty fresh? Now you can find out in the convenience of your own home or office.
METACADIANA
Time to get religion, y'all. The Church of the SubGenius, the pan-religion of the future, brings you METACADIANA, home of the interactive Spinning Massive Pipe and the antigravity Shields of Slack. Contemplate the beatific visage of J. R. "Bob" Dobbs, the Church's founder and patriarch. Bask in his munificence. Be reborn into the world of Slack.
The Bureau of Missing Socks
One of the most mysterious questions left to modern man is, "Where the @#%# is my other sock?" The Bureau of Missing Socks compiles the various theories.
Sanrio Batdz-Maru Knock Out Game
If you're at all familiar with Sanrio's ultra-cute creations (Hello Kitty, et. al.), you probably want the chance to hit them over the head repeatedly with a wooden mallet.
Presidential Makeovers
What if Clinton looked like Jennifer Aniston? What if Dole had dreadlocks? How about if they had Elvis's hair?
Psychic Ant Pharm
These diligent insect workers help you master the decisions of life. Simply ask a yes or no question by submitting the query form--sit back and enjoy an insightful answer.
Home Appliance Shooting
Dan Benton likes to shoot home appliances. If bullet-ridden microwaves turn you on, check this site out. It gives new meaning to the phrase, "Kill your television."
Quotes from the Perfect Man
Hey, guys. Going out on a date and afraid you'll say something stupid? Learn from the master. The Perfect Man has the quotes that'll make you a big hit with the ladies.
Magic 8-Bob
You had a Magic Eightball as a kid. You used it to answer the pressing yes-or-no questions that only a 12-year-old could ask. Now you have an expensive hunk of silicon and plastic sitting on your desk and the yes-or-no questions have more dire consequences.
The Ghostwatcher
June Huston says she's being stalked by ghosts. So she configured her computer and some cameras to catch them in action. Conceptual artist or flaming loony? You decide.
Lee's useless decimal-to-Roman numeral converter
Maybe you can use this site to help you write checks to ancient Romans.
Home Page Pregnancy Test
Think your home page might be pregnant? Well, here's an safe, easy, scientific, and private way to find out. Results are not guaranteed 100 percent accurate.
The Give Me Money site
From the Frequently Asked Questions file about the site:
  • Q: Is this a MAKE.MONEY.FAST scam?
  • A: No. A make money fast scam would promise to make you millions of dollars richer. This site aims only to make you a little bit poorer. Even I am unlikely to profit substantially from this scheme.
Foam Bath Fish Clock
It's just a clock. But how can you go wrong with a clock that tells you Greenwich Mean Time? In 24-hour military style. And using foam bath fish.
The "How Bored are You?" Game
The Rules:
  • You may not open another window.
  • You may not multitask.
  • You may not play this game unless you are so bored that these instructions are an unbearable excitement to you.
The Really Big Button That Doesn't Do Anything
A classic. The name says it all.
Sea-Monkey Worship Page
Helpful hints on raising everyone's favorite Instant Pets.
Guess the Dictator and/or Television Sit-Com Character
The rules are simple: you answer yes-or-no questions as if you were a popular sit-com character or dictator, and this site figures out who you are.
The Infamous Exploding Whale Page
Perhaps you heard about this, and assumed it was an urban legend. Well, it's real, and it's here. True, the 11 meg file takes a really really really long time to download, but it's worth it.
A Plea from a Sick Girl
"Little Kimberly Anne is dying of a horrible tropical brain disease, Owa-Tafu-Liam. Her goal, before she passes into the Great Beyond, is to collect as many free America Online disks as she can, to make the Guinness Book of World Records."
Recycled AOL Disk Gifts
Christmas is coming up fast. All year, you've been saving up those junkmail "free" AOL disks. Now there's a better use for them than drink coasters.
Lunch Menu Man
Our school lunch announcer was nothing like this. Visit his web page or call him at 704-377-4444, extension 1955. You MUST hear this. Trust me.
Kevin's Oddly Different Storytime
A twisted take on two childhood classics: James and the Giant Roll of Barbed Wire, and Curious George and the High-tension Power Line. Learn valuable morals like, "When little boys don't do what they're told, they die shamefully."
Iowa State University's Tasty Insect Recipes
Odds are that by now you're sick of turkey. All those Thanksgiving leftovers are getting old fast. Why not try something a little different--Tasty Insect Recipes.
Hair Trek
Except for Cpt. Janeway, Star Trek captains are often known for their lack of hair. Her copper locks are famed throughout the galaxy, but what if she had the hair of Whoopi Goldberg? How about Cleopatra?
Utah Woman Deletes the Internet
REDMOND: Millions of frustrated calls rushed into internet service providers this past thursday as "The Information Superhighway" was reported Missing In Action for several days.
Grinell College Warp Core
Check the status of the experimental anti-matter drive at Grinell College.
Dean Martin's Sunny Summertime Horoscopes
Hey, cool cats, find out what those swingin' stars have to say about your future.
Belt Sander Drag Racing
Racing across America to find the fastest sander in the land.
Stardates in Star Trek FAQ
Never has anyone spent so much time analyzing such a flawed ficticious dating system.
Gorm's Age of Base
Everyone knows that it is simply no longer acceptable to be too old or too young. Luckily, Gorm offers a mathematical solution to this dilemma-- simply change the base. For example, a moldy forty-year-old is a vibrant 28 in base 16.
The Adventures of Snot Hartwig
Never before has a superhero been so... slimy.
ASCII Art Heaven
Is it really art? You be the judge.
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